Buckle up your bootstraps, this one is going to be deep but it is so, so needed. I hope it encourages you.
I’ve always heard the quote “Be the person you needed as a little girl.” I never really thought much about it, I didn’t like to tap into the feelings of my past or childhood trauma. So, for years and years I just rolled it off. I’d say things like “it is what it is” or “it made me who I am” ,which is true but there’s healing in recognizing that you have been through trauma. Sure, others had it worse but that DOES NOT take away from the fact that my innocence was taken from you at an awfully young age. I won’t go into much detail , if you know me you know my childhood was not great. I don’t have a physical father(BUT I HAVE JESUS!) and my mother had her own issues. I was chosen last. I was given the responsibility to fend for myself with my sisters (thank God every day for them). At a young age I was subjected to chaos and toxicity.
As I grew up, I didn’t have anyone to tell me the things that a young girl N E E D S.
Someone to tell me I was beautiful.
Someone to tell me I was worthy.
Someone to say look, you can get through this and come out on top.
Someone to tell me that I deserved MUCH MORE than what I was getting.
Regardless of the form in which the mistreatment took place, those actions sent me the message that I was unloved and unwanted.
Eventually, I was in my teens and I was so horribly misunderstood. I had finally come to terms with what had been silently spoken over me my entire life.
My mom choosing her own vices over me = I wasn’t enough.
My dad leaving and never coming back = I wasn’t enough.
By the time I was 14 I had taken on this mentality that the world was out for me and I felt like NO ONE could hear me. I was trapped and no matter what I did or said, it wasn’t enough. I mean I had great family support after moving in with my grandparents, but still after years of abandonment and raising myself I had horrible anger issues. Lashing out, screaming, not doing good in school, begging for the attention of boys, and doing mischievous things. I know my sisters and family tried to help. But I still felt like no one took the time to understand me to the core. The ones who were trying to help, I resented because I just felt like they all didn’t understand WHY I acted the way I did. I hurt so many people, who were only trying to help me. I just wanted someone to tell me what I should’ve been told the first 14 years of my life. I wanted someone to tell me that what happened to me and my childhood was NOT MY FAULT. At that age, I needed a rock.
I NEEDED someone to tell me:
I was worthy.
I was smart.
I was capable.
I was loved.
I was valuable.
But I didn’t hear it. My teen years were brutal. I regret most of it, but I’m also thankful because without being so low, I wouldn’t have been able to climb the mountain and be who I am TODAY.
I think of my daughter, I truly believe God knew what he was doing sending her to me. I have the ability to give that little girl everything I never had as a child. I will love her, protect her, cherish her, and remind her every single day how L O V E D she is. Not only by her dad and I, but by GOD. I can help her develop her God-given talents and treasures. She will KNOW what a daddy is supposed to be like and I trust that she will know her dad will NEVER leave her.
What if, now, I worked toward becoming the rock that I needed back then?
What if I did it not just for anyone else, but for myself?
For the damaged teenage girl who still takes residence within me?
Not only would I be a better friend to the people I love, but I would be able to fill my own empty spaces.
I could be the mom, the sister, the grounding force, and best friend that I so sorely needed a decade ago (and still need).
Think of how much better society and our own mental health would be if WE could embody everyone we needed as a kid:
I challenge you to make it your responsibility to be who you needed when you were younger. By taking that responsibility, you are reminding yourself every day that we all are facing different things. That we all have a story to elk and everything you say and do can touch someone around you, and that feeling alone will make you so much happier, so much more proud.
Starting today, I am going to S H O W up for myself and the little girl inside me.
I will wake up and tell myself I am beautiful.
I will wake up and tell myself I am worthy.
I will get through ANYTHING thrown my way.
I did deserve MUCH MORE than what I was got.
God is in control, His plans are far greater than anything I could think or imagine.
I gave him the pen a long time ago, and He is still writing my story.
Blog created and submitted by Summer Aldridge