This past weekend I had the privilege of meeting face-to-face some of my real life Sheroes. Super Women that I have known from afar but never meeting in the flesh until now. I got to see what More Together really means and what it looks like for women Stand Together Or Fall Apart, when falling apart is not an option. Honestly it was a very surreal experience, an experience that will stay with me forever. An experience that I nearly missed because my inner dialogue is often a liar.
I had been looking forward to having the opportunity to attend this year’s World’s Okayest Night Out for months. I proudly announced to my husband and five children that I would be attending, come Hell or high water. They would survive a night without Mom and there was nothing they could do to stop me. Now mind you, this was probably mid-July so they had plenty of time to digest this horrific information.
So, I booked myself a king sized suite that was unbelievably posh being a steal at $37/night and blocked out the weekend for some Me Time. As the weekend grew closer I got more and more excited. I had NEVER, not once in my 41 years on this planet ever gone away by myself. Never once had a hotel room alone. It sounded like a little piece of Heaven.
The closer it got, the more excited I was. That is until the week before the event. I noticed something wasn’t right with me probably Monday or Tuesday. My head was clouded with anxiety and fear. All week I felt like an emotional time-bomb. I thought it was because my oldest is a senior this year or maybe there is something about the cool air and summer coming to an end that was getting me into a bit of a funk. Whatever it was it was palpable. I came to my husband and verbalized my struggle. He asked me, “Are you anxious about your WOM party?”
What? Anxious about my WOM party???
Absolutely NOT!!! I’m stoked. I’m excited. I CAN’T wait to get away from this Den of Chaos and poop alone, and sleep alone and make a glass of water for ONLY ME. There is no ding-dang way I am anxious about my WOM party.
Saturday morning comes and I sneak out of my house like a thief in the night, so my youngest doesn’t smell me leave (he seriously does that). I slide on my sunnies, turn up the tunes and hot-tail it to Abilene. Now, I don’t know if you have ever driven from Jacksboro to Abilene but it is a peaceful drive. A perfect combination of small towns with rural charm and open road with little traffic. As I pulled onto the last stretch of road Tiny Dancer played in sync with the turning windmills across the horizon. Picturesque right? Yeah, right until I felt like I was suffocating.
As I drove to the venue I could literally feel my throat closing in on me. I park right in front, knowing full well what was on the other side of that brick wall. I knew there were open hearts and open arms. I knew there was a tribe of women. My tribe of women. But still I sat in my car terrified. Hands shaking. Tears flowing down my cheeks. Thinking, “Oh my Gawd, I can’t do this. I cannot go in there. These women think I’m a nut. I am a nut. Why am I shaking? Why am I crying? Eff this, I’ll just go home. Yeah, they didn’t see me. I can say I had a flat tire. I’ll just text Jenn. She’ll understand.”
All the racing thoughts. All the self-doubt. All the feelings of panic.
Then I remembered why I was there. Why I WOM. I was there because for the 1st time in 4 years of WOMing I truly felt like I could give back. Put MY hands in it. I didn’t know in what capacity I would be able to help but I was ready to jump through rings of fire for WOM. I opened my car door and I stepped out into the wonder that is WOM. I stepped out to a unit of togetherness unparalleled and unduplicatable.
Throughout that day I saw my fellow WOMs share love, joy, frustration, pride, accomplishment and togetherness. I saw Okayest kids sing, play and help prepare food. I saw Okayest dads and Okayest grandmothers come and go to sports and activities. I saw EVERYONE coming together, all for the greater good of WOM. It filled my heart to the brim.
That night at the event I once again began to have sweaty palms and my heart was racing. I’m not good with small talk. I’m not good with strangers.
I went straight into “service mode”. Far too many years in the restaurant industry prepared me for one thing…I can serve food and drinks like no other, because when you are busy serving there is no time for social awkwardness and self-doubt. While everyone was chatting and mingling I was filling food trays and describing pulled pork bites. This was where I felt comfortable. This was where I felt myself.
Once everyone ate and all the things were said, I found myself feeling Okay. Okay enough to mingle a little. Okay enough to meet a few more WOMs. Hug a few more necks…and you know what, I survived.
I’m not even sure anyone knew how hard a simple social event was for me to endure. How I almost drove away. How I almost let my mental illness steal my joy. But I didn’t. I took a leap of faith and landed in the arms of some of the most amazing women walking on this planet. I am proud to be a part of WOM and I hope that by sharing my story I can give one single WOM the courage to face that situation that scares her. To show her that being vulnerable can sometimes make you so much stronger than you ever thought you could be.
#ThisIsWhyIWOM #MoreTogether #StandTogetherOrFallApart
Blog created and submitted by Jayme Bright
Hi, I am Jayme Bright. I grew up in Keller, TX and now live with my husband and 5 kids in Jacksboro, TX. I enjoy cooking, camping, reading, sewing and making things with my hands. I am currently training for The 2020 Chicago Marathon and run to keep my mental health in-check. I love WOM dearly and cherish the bonds that have formed because of this community.
Jayme Bright
WOM Admin